Mental hurdles

I am ten days or so into my official training and I'm doing alright. Nothing to exciting to report on just yet - just going out and getting in my basic runs. Last week I was scheduled to run 10 miles and finished at 10.85. This week I'm also supposed to run 10 again and seem to be on track. My mileage will increase somewhat next week.

I haven't had to deal with any real running issues yet like chaffing or blisters or the dreaded "I REALLY need to find a bathroom ASAP" kind of moments. Granted my longest run so far has only been 4.5 miles. Mostly my issues have been a lack of motivation to run and a lack of motivation to keep up a good pace. It is ironic since I thought my body would hold me back more than my mind - I thought I could do anything if I put my mind to it, but yet it is my mind that really isn't in the mood. I think about Leah a lot during my runs. I think about the hell she felt when she was going through chemo and how the burning in my legs could never compare; I think about the kids who can't run due to a weakened heart from treatment or amputations or even lung cancers. I think about how my running is raising money so families can have hope. I think about how blessed I truly am to have my beautiful babies alive and in my arms every day and such a strong body to be able to do this training. Then I realize that all the mental motivation stuff has only pushed me for the past half-mile and I still have several more left to go in my run. My mind wanders and I find myself coming up with excuses to stop. I end up feeling disappointed with myself even if I finish my run. I'm not really sure what the answer is. I wonder how other (more successful) runners feel - would they too would rather just be out for a walk?

I've started  keeping a running journal where I log specifics of my run like time, temperature, what I ate, how far I ran, etc. and also trying to note something that I'm proud of during my run (like, conquered a hill that I walked before).  I'm hoping this will help.

Also discouraging, and in case any of you were wondering, I haven't seen the number on the scale move much. I didn't take up this challenge to lose weight by any means, but I'm a little surprised that getting in an extra 10 miles of running every week hasn't led to at least a one or two pound loss, especially since I'm not eating that many extra calories.

Anyway, just wanted to check in.

Weeks until marathon: 10.5